my brother just killed himself

But I have to stay strong for my baby girl and husband! Its left me feeling cold about the past. His influence in me is so great, his fingerprints are all over the man Ive become. Im heart broken and here trying to find some clarity. His temperment irritated me. The whole situation is really getting me down what can I do. It isnt about telling children. Our children are attending classes online. It ruins relationships, and it truly changes your view on life as well as the way people view you. An amazing friend killed himself 51 weeks ago. The last chat he suggested we should get together, but was vague. I got a call from my dad saying that my brother was no longer with us and it left me in shock. It creates a mental confusion, as if my conscious mind can acknowledge the fact that she died, but my subconscious mind is not on the same page, so fresh is the memory of her greeting me after work. This website has many resources and information about support groups for families who have lost a loved one to suicide. I need a spark too. He had 7 weeks without anything at all If my mam hadn't just retired I honestly believe he would have killed himself. I highly recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/guilt-and-grief-2/ I cant tell you not to feel guilty, but I do want you to hear this: You are not responsible for your husbands death. Somehow I found this site and I think it is helpful to read about other people who have experienced this horror because unless you have, I feel it would be hard to understand the gravity of the loss. My 25 year old brother hanged himself alone in his home. The best advice I can offer through my experience is to feel your feelings, whatever they may be. Felt like it was twisting up.. And her face came into my head. He said Matt ( my dad, his stepdad) shot himself. I was just stuck. i never got to say goodbye. Please dont feel pressured by my thoughts; but dont guess that the family doesnt want to hear from you. All in all, I ended up being disappointed and sat there thinking how ironic all of this was. Dont be afraid to cry. He was so passionate. If youre concerned, it never hurts to seek out a little support and psychoeducation from a therapist or counselor. Im glad youve found a helpful therapist. For now? My ex wife and I had agreed that he should be an organ donor and we both signed the paperwork. Jamey December 23, 2018 at 10:56 pm Reply, Im so very sorry for what your going through. I hated the curiosity, the judging, the blaming and the scrutiny that I got from friends and family. They are all just as stunned as we are. I dont know how he could do that while looking at pictures of his living family hanging on the wall right across from him. Sadly one night I slept through the night and my son completed suicide, nothing could have prepared me for the pain, grief or sorrow that I still go through, the total lack of empathy. She saw mommy dead and lost it. So even when its evident that the suicide was not an act of intentional abandonment, it still may feel that way to the people who grieve the death. My boyfriend bought him socks so his feet would stay warm. Dont ever become to complacent and think your in control because in the blink of an eye your life and those around you can change forever. Understanding Grief / Understanding Grief : Eleanor Haley. We had her birthday party the day before the incident. Cassandra December 29, 2020 at 11:32 pm Reply, Family loves them because theyre family you loved him because you choose too and Im so sorry you had to find him I know no matter what people say you still have these guilty thoughts but love no one gives us a handbook on how to handle someone, Zane November 27, 2020 at 11:03 am Reply. She had had many emotional problems and tried to kill herself several times. I cant even imagine the horror that she felt. We were so happy. A good friend of mine jumped in front of a train very unexpectedly. I miss him so much, I can relate with you 100% if you ever need someone to talk to plz feel free to email me at jackboy918@yahoo.com, My 23 year old elder sister whom I loved the most in my life killed herself by suicide one month ago She was kind, loving, helpful, used to think about others happiness before her and was the best person in my life Life is just so hard after her for me and my whole familyI m just 19 but feel like ending my life too because that incident changed my life 360 degree I m depressed, guilty and all alone I feel I will never be happy in my life again and life has no meaning for me still for my family I wont do anything like this because they wont be able to take another shock The thing which hurts me the most is that to some extent I knew she was not ok due to her breakup and small family fights I tried to make her understand but it was not enough I should have understood her in better way She told no one in family but me and my cousin She used to say to me that I dont know if after your birthday I would be there or not but I didnt take it seriously and thought she is joking to tease me because she was so mature and so caring I thought she is elder than me and knows better this is not right and she killed her in the same month.. Theres never a day that I dont miss her. Hi Benjamin.. my husbands brother a kind gentle alcoholic since 16 yrs old shot himself at 50 yrs old. My darling perfect lovely boyfriend killed him self yesterday morning. Then he hasnt come home for awhile and I started to really worry . She minimizes everything I ever did by saying she did better and I was just as worthless then as I am now. My mom ended her life on 05/20/2018 I found her she still had a pulse I was on the phone screaming at 911 to get here fast I heard my mom take her last breath knowing there was nothing I could do to save her because she shot herself in the head behind her right ear and she was taking a blood thinner, the Sheriff finally showed up like 30 minutes later and then the ambulance I was standing outside bawling trying to understand why the officer came outside to me and told me he was sorry for my loss I just hit the ground screaming no and crying my eyes out. Do you think reading his letter would be helpful or hurtful to your grieving process? But, this is just so horrific, and the pain is so wrenching that its different, it just is. Its tragic, and it doesnt seem like its my new reality but I know that it is. Almost like you shouldn't be coping and moving on. Its a shit feeling knowing that youll never see or hear someone again. Last thing I can think of at the moment, offered up from the distance perspective of years, write down your memories, archive photos/videos etc. I became concerned about 2pm when she hadnt returned. When the poet Joanne Limburg's brother killed himself, she simply couldn't accept it. This kind of death creates an incredibly painful and complicated grief to endure. I threw up on myself just after his service. I am grieving very differently than the other people in his life. I didnt ignore them on accident. 14 years have passed by and the will of saying how much I love her and miss her is still rooted in my heart. We later married and had 3 more children. then after that can I sue the mother of the child for all the pain she has cause me and my family? It has been like that for 3 days now. Different family members come up with varying explanations for why their loved one died by suicide. I keep thinking he is still in his room and expect him to come down the stairs and share some silly reddit meme, which were often his attempts to connect with me. The police came in to inform us that she hanged herself in a homeless unit, her partner found her and they tried to revive her. have tried to reach out to my BFFs husband and daughters to give my condolences but cant seem to find them home and dont have their phone numbers. He beat me and then decided to take his own life. I am moved to try to help others who are suffering with grief and to assist in prevention efforts in the future. So.we stopped asking much. I think his mom might see me going out, having fun and enjoying life and think I am somehow disgracing his memory. He had taken most of his antidepressants at once. and the Dallas Cowboys QB says he's still having a hard time coping with it all. Hes in surgery now. I had to hand the phone to my boyfriend. Gave me a hard time with every girl I dated bc it took time away from Him Would eat my food when we had an apartment together. I know I will never be the same person again. Isabelle Siegel February 17, 2021 at 12:25 pm Reply. The month before he did it, he took me to the movies: bohemian rhapsody, we were both crying while we were watching it. Kathleen December 8, 2019 at 5:13 am Reply. We had been arguing. My only sibling. She died in the middle of my finals week. Tell me that you need me here. HE WAS TALKING TO THEM! He asks my mom why she cries. Everyday is a roller coaster. He planned to end his life 3 weeks earlier, telling me how he would do it. He would have been 52 on October 31. What makes them snap? But as a father and husband I have to push on for my family. If I would have known he was suffering I would have dropped everything to be with him. One early morning, I got up from bed and couldnt find him . Im also sending love to you with the hope that it helps, even a little bit. 5 hours more or less after Id left his house. I am now going to a therapist and it is helping me cope much better. First person I told when lost my virginity. He changed once he lost all the outer trappings of success, vitality, and control over his life. We got her to see a therapist. (After piecing together that he was having withdrawals all weekend) Sunday came and my mom said around 12 pm he left the house. Im sorry for details. Spending time with her wasnt the same it was almost like her eyes were glassed over and her physical body was present but her mind was elsewhere. I realized that my oldest son chose to die too. I miss her more than anyone can understand. Now I will say time will never heal this wound, I only have learned to navigate it better and to be an advocate. I tried to reach him after hearing about the first attempt but he never contacted me. I cant accept any of what he did or why, how much pain he must of been suffering but never showed. I tried everything over the course of our relationship to help him. People have said shocking things to me, I now lash out and tell them that until they have walked in my shoes they know nothing. IsabelleS December 14, 2020 at 12:06 pm Reply. One cop that secured the pistol took it down the road (because there was still one bullet in the gun.and my brother told him it didnt work) The officer fired it 67 times and the second bullet never fired. I will even give you my cell number. Her mom came home drunk everyday, and sometimes abused her. I havent been able to sleep well in months. I knew he was depressed, he knew I was as well. I have no words to explain the heartache or pain and I have begged and begged to just wake up and have it all be a cruel joke. She finally switched physicians and got the new one to prescribe her a lethal dose of a blood pressure medication that she told them she takes for migraines (she had never taken it before, I figured this out after her death by going through her emails and the possessions that the police returned to me). Now I cant deal with the pain and the thoughts of her suicide. Hi Louisa, I am so very sorry for your loss. We rallied around her and prayed that she would outgrow this and that it was part of the normal teenage angst. My dad killed himself 3 months ago. I never would have thought in a million years that people could be so unsympathetic or callous to such a tragedy as suicide. My dearest darling friend just died yesterday and she lived like this for over a decade. We had been together since April. May God help me get through another day as each day is a challenge and no one knows just what his death has done to my soul, Beverly malone July 8, 2016 at 3:45 pm Reply. He expressed the wish to be a boy. Do I need to join a group? He had been out of the hospital only 10 days when he took his life. I saw him reach for the gun, but he told me he was just pushing it back. This is especially true on certain posts where we know that people are hoping to connect with others who have had similar experiences or who can relate. I lost my brother to a self inflicted gun shot wound in 2015 and unfortunately was there when it happened. I so feel your pain, just one day later on the 19th April I lost my younger brother I never felt pain like it my heart is broken. How could he do this to his boys to us. Grief can literally send you to places you have never been before. I just didnt want anything like this to happen to him. I am devastated. when I told him it was like listing to someone ripping his heart out. My dads side of the family stopped talking to my mom, my brother and I. No more holidays birthdays or the miscellaneous days in between . Please dont take your lack of connection here as an indication that you are alone in all of this. I stopped it so many times before. Admittedly he struggled with the transition (which was not immediate) and the price that he had to pay in social exclusion and rejection. Your in-laws family cant comfort you at this point in life because they are in tremendous pain like you are provable. You did the best you could. Remember the goods times, cry if you are emotional and reach out if you need to talk. He said no one helps pedo's and that it would only make things worse. He showed me so many things growing up I dont have space to explain it all. I need to find a support group, but that is difficult in the semi-rural area where I live. I think i'm going to go up the tree he killed himself at tonight and lay some flowers. May 18, 2016 at 8:07 pm Reply. Its not something in their vocabulary. He had just turned 20 ten days before. To know that Ill never hear those words from him again, never hear his voice, never be able to kiss him again, touch him kills me. As Im writing this its hard to see threw the tears. I called that friend and asked if she heard or knew anything because that is not something you can ask the family. You will never get over them per se, instead life will hopefully get easier as you learn to live with them. Her bestfriend last week thought she would help her out and googled his name thinking she would find a social media account in his name or something. Although we might be worlds apart, I share your sorrow and anguish. Take time to grieve, to cry, to be angry. Felt like I wanted to take my life instead of endure the pain. About five weeks ago, our son hung himself. I pray each and every day for God to have mercy on his soul, as he has requested. Around a year and 2 weeks ago, one of my closest friends took her own life. You should find groups for help and its not that difficult to make friends whk would actually care about you. But at the end of the day it was about the kids, how do I go from a dad with an ex-wife and two kids with a mother, who was active with them up until the last 20 minutes of her life to this? As soon as Se unity got here the ambulance and fire dept were here. My little sister, 39 years old took her own life in February last year. I suffered a major heart attack and PE clot last year and thought wow at least my ex wife would have been here if I hadnt have made it, heck she was at the foot of my bed when I woke up, I was at her hospital. I made promises to him I dont that I could ever make to anyone elseand I never will. I totally identify with the pain. Like you, I see a lot of parallel between suicide and overdose death. Family members disagree about how they want to discuss the death privately within the family. When I didnt hear from him for a couple of days, my heart sank, and I believed he had probably relapsed on drugs, again, and was in the hospital or a rehab. I met someone and moved to Vancouver and my daughter stayed in the place I rented for 20 yearsthen my daughteroh forget it it.. We miss my dad every day. I know how you feel slightly, but when you state what hope is there? She begged him to help her and he did not. I collapsed right into another friends arms and he had to hold me up because I couldnt. He was, I thought, happy with his life up until a few weeks ago, when his girlfriend of 2 years began to dump him. He was the first one to work in the am and the last one to leave. It is impossible to know exactly what dreams mean, but typically dreams like this are our subconscious trying to work things out. I am immensely grateful for the few websites I have found that talk about suicide grief, as it makes me feel a little less alone with my grief. Its a terrible thing to have to live through and no amount of time will ever heal me from this damage that He left inside. . All Im doing right now is trying to make sense of all of this. It is absolutely never too late to seek therapy it can be such a huge support. Back story. My Son shot himself in the head in front of me Im losing my mind its been a year how are you coping? Expect setbacks. Ive just burst into tears, my little brother committed suicide April 19th 2018 too your words resonate with me, my little brother bear was the love of my life it is earth shattering. I mean what else was there to do? No love, no intimacy, sometimes I hate this world. I am still grieving for her. Reading through these posts, I can only feel sympathy for those who have lost children to suicide, and shame for wallowing over my fathers suicide. she had a heart condition, and faced w/ the prospect of a shortened life, and a body she hated, she killed herself. Maria Lyall June 3, 2016 at 2:14 am Reply, My son took his own life 3months ago at the age of 30. His depression deepened, and he took it out on me and his mother, as we were his support system. The next night as I headed home from work me and 5 others received a random text . She threatened suicide for years and none of us thought shed ever do it. The sun does not shine anymore and there are days I wish I was dead too. And that I cant make my own mother proud or happy.

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