why do serial cheaters want to stay married

Using a licensed therapist as a sounding board as you work your way towards a decision will be the best move you can make in this situation. These traits could really apply to anyone so I guess its true, ANTONE can or would cheat. Unfortunately though, I had to let the ea run its course, there was nothing I could say or do that would make my h leave his skank, there was nothing I could do or say to skank to leave my h alone either. I want you to quit hating yourself and hating HIM! Not wishing to stir but I do wonder how many BSs on this site are being hoodwinked into believing that this was their hs first crime, when actually there were more that were never disclosed? I imagine all of us have a least one. Again, it's a time of wild sex fuelled by this pain and the emotiona. Talk about disrespecting an employer! Your right, while we were celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary, it would have drove her nuts, being on the other side of the phone, wondering what he was doing while with me. So, my husband is charming like that, but with everyone, even if they are 90-year-old men who are wheelchair bound. If you do remain with the serial cheater, here are some points to think about. 4. Total ignoring is needed, no socialing of any kind. Actions reflect the truth, words can be twisted to alter our reality. I would not have guessed that and have not found it in prior literature. So VERY disappointed in this posting. He does not travel without me and never has. In fact, something interesting happened yesterday that made me realize no one would be having affairs if everyone refused to take potential bait. Oh, no! It was coincidental mix of timing and opportunity but the fact he ended up in rehab on this occasion and appears to be working on himself tells me he learned something this time which he hadnt learned before. The spouses inability to have personal boundaries and their commitments to their primary relationships. Like you said, it is possible that all of us have at least one. He doesnt want to break up the family, 4. Sexting? Because you havent taken strong steps: Some people are just cheating because their partner hasnt taken any strong steps against them. Frequent arguments with a partner. Many men and women go years without knowing that their partners or significant others have cheated until they see the affair firsthand. I think all this talking is shaking me up so I may just observe for a while. 2) to be happy when seen (she always appeared in a mood with him , fuelling the perception that their relationship was over ) 3) she was aloof on the rare occasions she visited the office it was notable and mentioned by his staff. Cousin It definitely has character flaws and why he would choose to hook his wagon up to that should make you want to look more closely at your husbands own flaws and weakness not the weakness in your marriage. Strong, confident folks? So she could see, how nice it was. Cinderella is kind of a bitch. A heads up to everybody, this article , which is very good endeed, is done in a context that the MAN is the sole perpetrator of this hurting behavior, I am a man and have 15 years of marriage and after our son was borned in 2006, is that I realized who I was married to, All nine traits depicted above, and much more, all executed masterly by my wife, one particular evening I had the need to know why and typed in my computer: profile of people who poison, I was knocked out of my shoes when I read that, it was she, my wife the person I loved so much for so many years, since then I keep investigating and have learned plenty of psico stuff and here is the heads up, women cheat as much as man do and I dare to say even more, beware, most of this people have a tendency to be sociopaths, eventually they will hurt you somehow, maybe a bad meal, some altered eye drops, non friendly shakes, whatch you in your sleep and the cherry of the top is that they will tell to all of her/his friends that YOU are the one doing all those bad deeds, one very good hint for you all, find in the web the hare test dont run away yet, perform the test, if he/she obtain 20 to 30 point then now you HAVE to run away like hell, times have changed my friends. What I was blown away by was that your assistant, who you hired, would come in and attempt to pull him in to something. Regarding what Trying Hard said, its counterintuitive I know, but admitting that you truly meant nothing, or very little , to your AP really gives you your freedom back. Then when the time it right, serving her with a verbal warning and asking her to literally cease and desist. He doesn't want to lose half of his money through a messy divorce. To serial cheaters, the adulterous act can temporarily boost their ego and self-esteem through instant gratification. Doug and Linda, maybe yall could do an article on nine traits that indicate you are less likely to cheat. So good, in fact, that LeslieBeth Wish, a noted psychotherapist, author, and founder of. There are some women who get pulled into affairs even though they have no intention of doing so then there are women who seem to seek out to destroy the happiness of another woman. She has invaded so much of my headspace, that I should be charging her rent. He also may be afraid of losing custody or that his children will feel angry with him when they find out the truth. So what should you do if your cheating husband wants to stay married to you? Ever. Some unfaithful serial cheaters still do love their partners for some reason. No, cause this is what he DOES, to everyone he is involved with. The truth is. But since he was too chicken to man up and put his family first and deal with his mess as soon as he knew it was a mess, here I am. Its hard to find in the real world . Good job. You could have knocked me over with a feather, as it was the last thing I expected. Its kind of like gaining immunity to the guilt you feel when you tell a big fat lie. Eyes, I do not see you in the same type of light as other other women. Especially those who have been caught before and not tossed out on their ass. It's easy to do because they're eerily good at it. If your partner cheated one time, it may be more shocking to you to find out since they were likely much more open with you from the very beginning. He should also be willing to attend therapy with you. "They can look you in the eye and say things such as: What a long day at work,' when they were actually with another person. They can be the big Hero. But, anytime I have dropped into work to leave homemade cookies and cakes for the staff, I do not get a lonely for another couple vibe from her at all. "They're very vague when it comes to telling you about their life . He may not feel fulfilled by a life of monogamy. Being secretly active on a dating site? At least there would be a record in her file. 20. He may see that the affair was shallow, but his marriage is real. I didnt stand up for myself, I believed my lying h over my vomiting body and I let myself down as much as he let me down. You made a mistake at thinking that I would think like you, but you were wrong. Sure they can overcome it but it will take a lot of personal fortitude and work and even then they still know they can do it AND get away with it for a while. He doesnt want to leave his home, his family, and the life that hes grown accustomed to. Are they quick to change the subject? She knew what she was doing and she played it to the hilt. He may not put as much significance on a physical relationship. I know what you mean about the pigs. Others cheat simply out of boredom. Warning : Ive had a wine so shouldnt be posting. All I can say, was my h was a sucker. They crave attention or an ego boost, so they have an affair. No business lunches (since there is no lunch break). The other ones he keeps for himself. Brent, He never really quit again, and made my life a living hell to the day he died. It sounds like your AP wasnt truly showing you his real side as most dont. Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. Similarly, you can't say that all cheaters are narcissists. Long way, and you have been so insightful too. Just found out about my husbands second sexual affair. Liar, cheater, just plain mean. Is It Cheating If Youre Not Official? Its gauche and irrelevant. Through some time I found out he was divorced and his ex and children lived several hundred miles away. But, it is sincere on his part. I suspected all along but now I have an admission to back up what I already knew in my gut They dont care and more so they dont need an excuse. The affair was full-fledged and long-term. You need to get to know Sarah.. Well since I work with him in the same office at our business there is no room for any kind of office romanceexcept with me of course!! My husband meets everyone qualification as a cereal cheater, is it even possible for him to change? I mean, was he the one who started showing interest? I did it all by myself. He may come to see how loyal, devoted, and giving she is and recognize that hes not going to find anyone else who loves him like she does. Lap dances? They are the weak injured idiots at the back of the pack, waiting to be be taken down. She wants your life. Their past behavior is a good indication of future behavior. On the other hand, they still prefer a safe and comfortable marriage life. Serial cheaters get and stay married because on some level they too want a companion to share their life with. Displaces blame: This man constantly displaces the blame onto others when he is clearly the person at fault. TH you have life sussed! She does not want your friendship. He was stubborn and controlling, threatened suicide, depressed and angry). The loss of self-esteem, self-worth, trust, hope, concentration, confidence. These women are a standard archetype in the daytime soap operas, but one just does not expect to see such obvious examples in real life. Oh well. He got married to the woman and they even went to my ex business partners vacation home for their honeymoon. And in some cases, their family may even be threatened if they got a divorce, so they stay married to avoid that. If you want to know more about them, they might get upset and give you the excuse that they like to keep their life private. She does not care if this childrens lives are turned upside down, due to becoming a child of divorce, and now I am speaking of my own ow, to have placed her own children, who i am sure had a hard time coming to terms with her own separation from their dad, to jump straight away into a relationship with a mm, and not truly see the damage she is causing her own children as well, because she cant stay without a man, it is just selfish. One was my childhood sweetheart. Considering the above, there can be little hope that serial cheaters can ever truly be changed. So many people have been affected by this mess, and theres a 6 year old whos going to have it the worst. He may feel that his marriage is over and thats why he cheated. (Or that is how my husband describes it). I was new to the job and he was a tease and a flirt. One-time cheaters are less likely to view cheating as a way to get an adrenaline rush. Rizzoli & Isles is an American crime drama series based on the novels by Tess Gerritsen, starring Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander as the respective title characters. Th, those damn sob stories. This is the first time in a very long time we have worked together where he has actually given me the authority I had previously demanded. You deserve so much happiness in life, I hope your h shows you everyday, just how much you mean to him, yet I know as well, being a bs, I want to be shown as well, and just as much, probably a bit more too, just quietly, I deserve it lol. So therefore I think yes, most cheaters will regret what they did, either because they are mature or because they suffer from the circumstances and wish they did things differently, and the ones that don't refuse reality and are lost in their own narrative and sorry egos. I have also noticed that she is very aggressive and opinionated and not afraid to instigate arguments. Everything I read says He, His, and even This Man. I know its not exactly what youre saying but I was no innocent victim ! I have observed that when men have affairs, they start to find flaws in the partners personalities to feel better. I am not shy but he made me blush and nervous and heaped a lot of praise and attention on me. Especially if your spouse was cheating with someone in your circle of friends. Maybe he got caught before he thought through an exit strategy. Your mistake thinking I was like you, and wouldnt fight for what was right, you thought I wouldnt fight to save my marriage and to save my husband and children from the likes of you. This gives him the freedom to continue hurting her because he thinks that shell stand by him no matter what. TryingHard, I hope and pray that you find peace soon as well as a loving support system. He certainly didnt travel in those circles. It is to introvertsRosa Parks, Chopin, Dr. Seuss, Steve Wozniakthat we owe many of the great contributions to society. Now were going to discuss the main reasons why most serial cheaters want to stay in a marriage relationship. He didnt have to travel in those circles to find his supply. I would not take this lightly. Does he seem sincere and willing to change? He came from a good family, lower class like mine. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Gauche, indeed. He was an addict first and far most. Period. Honestly its a wonder our business was able to survive. Serial cheating is more common than you think. Very openly complimentary. The rest of the details that you provide indicate the typical predator/prey dynamic that narcissists thrive on. He quit for two years, and I was very happy. Theres a look, a nonverbal communication between addicts and desperate people. How long does it take to get over a cheating spouse? What our study and others suggest is a powerful factor that prevents us from cheating is our emotional reaction to it, how bad we feel essentially, and the process of adaptation reduces this reaction, thereby allowing us to cheat more., With serial cheaters, it could be the case that they initially felt bad about cheating, but have cheated so much theyve adapted to their ways and simply dont feel bad about cheating any more. I guarantee he would have been whistling a different tune. She wants to see you squirm when shes around. Someone who makes a one-time mistake with cheating will show remorse and admit to being wrong, but serial cheaters see no wrong in their behavior. No unnecessary contact and that includes you too, although I subscribe to keep you friends close, keep your enemies closer. I wasnt working here at the time as I had started my retail store. I would not have been able to cope if she had succeeded in having him take my children as well. And guess what, there is always another OW or OM to be the supplier of that high. By the time he was ripe for the picking, she knew all she needed to do was get him by himself, where I would not be any where near him, and that was getting him to pay for her ticket to see her family, he feel for it, paid for her ticket, unknown to me, and that was it. These type of ow dont let go that easy. Alternating between feeling numb and striking out in retaliation. A chronic perpetual liar and cheat. Lol I mean who really wants to be with someone who is always complaining and continues to live in such a seemingly miserable existance if all their complaints about their spouses are true. Sounds like a lot of what you are describing about yourself is standard introversion, which is a very valuable characteristic. I made a mistake in staying with him. The cheater can't or won't disclose why they cheated. It will be just a matter of what your personal threshhold for pain . From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. So why do cheating husbands stay married? Why do cheating husbands stay married? PPS- A: We started working on lots of projects together (over a 3 yr period) and the more we worked together the more success we had so our ideas and projects were supported by our boss and peers. In the beginning of every relationship, there's a honeymoon phase when everything's coming up roses, and you can't keep your hands off each other. He knew how to do it. What a wonderful lot you all are! Its all he knows and his marriage is a safe place for him. looking back, I think I was probably just a cute girl with a nice body who was an easy lay. Possiblymany couples do. People can go into the friendship with the best of intentions, there can be no attraction (at first), but then as the friendship progresses, things can quickly get out of control if given the right circumstances.. Right, Strength, but its a tricky situation cause they dont WANT to BE single, they just want to ACT single. I believe the talk between the affair partners about how miserable their lives are with their spouses is a vital conversation to justify the affair. And each time I do that, she never answers me back but then starts in on my husband again. "They are masters at seeming believable," Wish explained. He should be thanking his lucky stars that you fought hard for his soul and won it. Engaging in secretive behaviors. 4) displays of affection (not showy embarrassing stuff but a touch of a cheek, a shared moment anything that displays love and affection is rife in your marriage ) would be a good move. Yes, ladies, this guy can appear to be really exciting. You can nail his foot to the floor, develop ironclad guidelines, and you can show objective evidence that he is at fault. In fact, Darn says they might make it a point early on to make themselves as hard to pin down as possible. Hi Jeddy, 10 Reasons And 10 Signs. Thus, I subscribe to the When Harry met Sally viewpoint that men and women CANNOT be friends. After a while, you literally dont feel bad about it. As for that woman who reported to you and was trying to get your husbands attention. He may have just had a one night stand or two. According to a 2010 to 2017 General Social Survey issued by the Institute for Family Studies, 20% of men and 13% of women have had sex with someone who was not their spouse while married. Their study also found that men and women cheat in about equal numbers. Everest. Also among the signs of a serial cheater is the tendency to get bored and seek new thrills. Yes, yes, yes, listen to the gut! How do you put a face to infidelity? Most of all he was the life of the party and it was very dull when he was away on a trip or holiday. I never much liked dating as such. I said and by the way, she did the wrong thing, putting her exh on speaker phone, because she only did that, so out of all the conversations you hear of them talking, she puts the one on that has him get angry on. As you said, it's a big world with Google they could find a fellow swinger to forge an "understanding" with. It is all depending on how the person concerned is feeling," Lee told INSIDER. Integrity is not a part of their genetic makeup, but theyre intentional cheaters. They feel a sense of entitlement. According to Graber, applying an armchair diagnosis, such as a fear of commitment or a sex addiction is an easy way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. All she wanted was a man that would come and start paying for her and her children, so she didnt have to worry about It herself. It helps that his other girlfriend started smashing his windows and slashing his tires and keeping him on a tight rope. After he starts having affairs, it is easier for him to continue than to find other ways to handle marital frustration. They might be narcissistic or sociopathic. Serial cheaters may be quick to distract you, but "[t]ake it as a red flag," she says. He didnt get to go through all his explanations and get his ego stroked anymore. They dont want to break up the family or start over.

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