what to say when someone says you're overthinking

What if you dont like the food, so you dont finish your plate, so you offend your friend who loves this restaurant and they never want to hang out with you again? 1. I have notebooks and notes everywhere for everything. , we consulted with the wonderful overthinkers. Overthinking is about dwelling on the problem, while problem-solving involves looking for a solution. Just be sure to choose words that validate what theyre experiencing while avoiding accidental brush-off statements, like you need to calm down or everythings going to be fine. Although well-meaning, these kinds of texts can send the message that the person with anxiety just needs to stop worrying or get over it, Potter says, which can add to their feelings of isolation and disconnection.. 5. This type of overthinking sets you up to worry about unrealistic worst-case scenarios. She's also a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and international bestselling author. If you are overthinking important issues in your life, you can get stuck in indecision, avoidance, and procrastination. I use it to think about the possible upcoming situations that can happen in my planned day. Overthinking is a prominent characteristic of worry, rumination, and obsessive thinking. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. As psychotherapist Kimberly Perlin, MSW, LCSW-C says, "People respond best to positive feedback that is specific." Say something like "I adore your tenacity" or "The way you handle situations. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Source: Photo by Nathan Cowley from Pexels, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. Remember that." Mourning takes time. Anytime I think about calling for an appointment, I feel stressed. , Im indecisive. David A. Clark, Ph.D., is a practicing clinical psychologist and Professor Emeritus with the Department of Psychology at the University of New Brunswick. Ill think, Oh god, did I do this right? , Replay conversations over in my head to make sure I didnt say anything to offend anyone. To find out what others dont realize people are doing because theyre overthinking, Ask the same question(s) multiple times. Anytime I think about calling for an appointment, I feel stressed. Andrea G. Im indecisive. Journaling is a helpful way to get your thoughts out of your head so theyre not overwhelming you as much. Have you ever felt overwhelmed by your thoughts? Dattilo recommends placing any thoughts youre having on the back burner and focusing on your body. There are two dangers to this. He also is part of a research team looking to develop a new instrument that measures clients perceptions of whether counselors are effective in their ability to discuss the contextual dimensions of race, ethnicity, and culture (REC) with clients. Imagine a storm is coming. I'm wondering if I'm doing the best. Overthinking steps outside of the realm of "normalcy" when the negative and intrusive thoughts become so loud, disruptive, and upsetting that they interfere with your ability to perform everyday . The opposite approach is to disengage from the thought. Take a moment to practice deep breathing, or repeat a positive quote or mantra to yourself. Overthinking makes it harder to fall asleep. Allow yourself as much time as you need to healthfully work through tears or feelings of anger. Nature experience reduces rumination and subgenual prefrontal cortex activation. Instead of accepting that different outcomes are possible, you might assume that certain things will "always" or "never" happen. Mara Santilli is a freelance writer and editor who covers women's health, wellness trends and topics related to health equity. Overthinking may be a symptom of a mental health issue, like depression or anxiety. But the two are definitely distinct. Signs of overthinking include: An inability to think about anything else Being unable to relax Constantly feeling worried or anxious Fixating on things outside of your control Feeling mentally exhausted Having a lot of negative thoughts Replaying a situation or experience in your mind Second-guessing your decisions It's easier said then done but you just have to stop yourself from over . Practicing mindfulness means being present in the moment and noting what you're feeling. Ill think so much about what could go wrong and irrationally put evidence with my line of thinking I dont realize I do it and I dont mean to. Kara R. Write to do lists in great detail, over and over again to make sure I have everything written down. Carolyn A. For example, when you dont fall asleep right away, you might imagine that youll be overtired the following day. When it comes to thinking about a problem, balance is the key Smith-Acua, says. Just remember you cant speed up the process or talk someone out of anxiety. If your overthinking focuses on your partner, you could say something like, "My partner loves me. Fortunately, we can learn to curb this unhelpful way of thinking through greater self-awareness and the practice of mental disengagement. Regaining mental health and wellbeing is attainable with the appropriate methods. Banks, who recently partnered with the U.K.-fave brand, tells PEOPLE that at the urging of her dermatologist to try retinol on her aging skin, she found No7. Find a distraction Shut down overthinking by involving yourself in an activity you enjoy. A lot. To overcome overthinking, self-acceptance and forgiveness are essential steps to take. When the brain is at rest, the areas that light up are the problem solving areas and areas associated with self-referential thinking. Psychological Science. So, when left to its own devices, the brain will overthink, says Dattilo. A mental health professional may teach you skills that will help you stop obsessing, ruminating, and dwelling on things that arent helpful. If I have it all planned out, then I feel like I have more control of the outcome of the situation, even if its a bad one. You might send some of these text messages immediately after learning about a loss. Do you often look for the deeper meaning or personal significance of your thoughts? Analysis paralysis is real. Many of my clients have expressed frustration, even anguish, with their relentless experiences of self-imposed mental interrogation. I promised someone two weeks ago I would seek help, but Ive been putting it off again. The Forbes Health editorial team is independent and objective. You Seek Perfection in Everything You Do. I whined to my girlfriend, "Do you think he likes me?" "What should I say or do next?" "Do you think he'll call me again?" "Why did he stop calling me?" And, of course, "What did I do wrong?". It can be a problem in its own right, and yet few people recognize the negative effect it can have on our emotional health, happiness, and well-being. Get the Forbes Health newsletter for helpful tips, news, product reviews and offers from a name you can trust. I promised someone two weeks ago I would seek help, but Ive been putting it off again. What if you make the wrong decision? When someone says something or acts in a way I don't like, I dwell on it. I have lists for everything! Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines. It is helpful for sources of support to remind individuals with anxiety that they are cared about.. It does not help develop any insight into the situation. That just madethe overthinking worse. Ros H. Asking my husband 100 times a day if hes really happy with me even though he tells me 101 times a day that he is very happy with me. Abbey R. I get distant like Im not fully there. Forbes Health adheres to strict editorial integrity standards. Pack everything when going on a trip. Strategies that may help you become more self-accepting include: If you cant break free from overthinking, consider getting professional help. "Saying things that are critical or applying pressure to the person, those sorts of things will often the increase anxiety levels." He strongly cautions against saying things like, "You're. Overthinking isnt the same as healthy problem-solving. Shed ask herself over and over what caused me to have this thought, what does it mean," what if I get stuck and become more and more anxious, or, I need to find a way to get better control of my mind." Post-Its on my fridge with the same information that is written on my wall calendar and desk calendar. Lauren D. Take notes and write everything down. When people are "too much in their head," this signifies over-engagement with unwanted thoughts. 2. If they truly arent in the mood to talk, let them know youre on standby and will rush to their side (in person or via text) whenever they call. 2013;122(2):339-352. doi:10.1037/a0031994, Thomsen DK, Mehlsen MY, Christensen S, Zachariae R. Ruminationrelationship with negative mood and sleep quality. 1. Bonus points if you make it sound like something you were about to do anyway so that they dont feel pressured. Pack everything when going on a trip. It's very likely that you are wasting a lot of time looking for second opinions and researching your options, when ultimately, those little choices might not matter so much. You can find even more stories on our Home page. When someone doesnt give me a time, I panic. Dr. Spann is a founding team member and the former chief clinical officer of Hurdle, a digital health platform for people of color. I have plans for literally everything that I do and for every decision that I make. Feeling that close friends want nothing to do with me, or want me out of their life if I have not communicated with them in a while. Kevin M. Sometimes, I can be slow at work because I overthink how to do things the right way. 2. The more you think about a problem, the worse you feel. The truth is that everyone overthinks things from time to time. If he is interested in you, he will call. When you find yourself overthinking, challenge these thoughts. If thats the case, let them know youre down to listen, Alex Ly, AMFT, a registered associate marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. But for people with anxiety, If youre someone who overthinks, and its impacting your life in a negative way, there are things you can do that help. 2013;122(2):339-52. doi:10.1037/a0031994, Pieter R, Nababan D, Ariawan S, Listio S, Ruben S. Improving interpersonal skills to overcome the negative effects of overthinking in the disruption era. Karly & Deb Found A Simple Way Of Making Long Distance Work, Caroline & Nat First Met At A House Party Over A Decade Ago, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. I can take them at their word." At first, it may feel like you're lying to yourself, but I promise that after a while these mantras will start to sink into your spirit. Well, the answer is not as obvious as you might think. If I have it all planned out, then I feel like I have more control of the outcome of the situation, even if its a bad one. As Myers says, They may feel comforted knowing that someone is available if and when they do want to talk., Someone who is experiencing anxiety may feel overwhelmed, worried, stressed, fearful, isolated, insecure, and even agitated or irritable, Myers says. Positive reframing. Taking time to breathe out through the mouth is a helpful way to slow down one's central nervous system, Michelle Pargman, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor, tells Bustle. Fortunately, there are several mental strength exercises you can do to change the channel in your brain from overthinking into a more healthy mindset. Ill think, Oh god, did I do this right? Stella B. To avoid toxic positivity, Ly says, avoid phrases like Just think about positive things! or You need to get out of your head! Instead, simply agree that anxiety sucks. Signs of overthinking include: Overthinking can happen for several reasons. On the flip side, it may also increase your susceptibility to developing mental health problems. I have lists for everything! Post-Its on my fridge with the same information that is written on my wall calendar and desk calendar. , Take notes and write everything down. "See how they respond," Overstreet says. Im afraid Ill forget something that I may need to know. Like I always get the same meal at a restaurant because experience has taught me I dont regret that choice. , I end up canceling plans, whether its plans with someone or plans I made for myself only, because I keep thinking something horrible is going to happen, or that the people I was supposed to hang out with hate me and just made plans with me out of pity. "I remember you speaking so fondly of [Name]. Overthinking can be more pervasive for some people than others. (Hint: seeking reassurance only. "Thinking too much": A systematic review of a common idiom of distress. Calamari, J. E., Riemann, B. C., & Heffelfinger, S. K. 2003. The Anxious Thoughts Workbook: Skills to Overcome the Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts that Drive Anxiety, Obsessions & Depression. Laugh it off. Like, sorry for being annoying, sorry I care so much about this, sorry I was talking too much. Brittney P. You apologize for every little thing because your mind is telling you that people are mad at you for stepping on their toes. Folks with anxiety tend to color their world with more hostility and isolation, Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. Because your mind is always telling you different stories every minute. It can also play a role in mental health issues like anxiety and depression, so it is important to find ways to break out of such destructive thought patterns. I spend so much time either dwelling on past events or worrying about the future that I often miss what's going on in. The opinions expressed are the authors alone and have not been provided, approved or otherwise endorsed by our advertisers. Affordable, Private Therapy Anytime, Anywhere. If you suspect youre falling prey to overthinking, there are several steps you can take: Overthinking can be harmful to our emotional health, especially when its directed at unwanted, spontaneous, negative thoughts, images, or memories. But its also important for others to be understanding. Let me repeat that. I have difficulty sleeping because it feels like my brain won't shut off. "Overthinking is more intense and a common occurrence.". Spending time on these thoughts can lead to significant personal distress. Ha, yeah, that wouldn't be good. Plan. Well, there's two ways to approach this. Your need for reassurance is not something to be taken lightly but people do not understand that and instead, start to push you away. Here are nine scriptures to encourage you and help you stop overthinking today: Psalm 139:23-24. BetterHelp makes professional therapy available anywhere through a computer, tablet, or smartphone. 1 - Focus on what's good When you're tempted to overthink and expect bad things, instead, turn your thoughts to what is right. But, when youre overthinking, you might find yourself replaying a conversation in your head repeatedly or imagining something bad happening many times. And if I am even one minute late, I get upset and panic and feel like I failed. Kaitlyn L. Over-explaining myself. Self-help strategies like distracting yourself and challenging your thoughts can help. One way to avoid overthinking a subject is to incorporate Scripture and prayer into one's thoughts. This is an example of empowering with empathy, Potter says. "For example, if you approach someone and they don't reply, are short with you, or move further. Remember, you control your thoughts. The problem with overthinking. Here's how to recognize the signs that you're overthinking. Overthinking and worrying are mental activities, so if they start to take hold, do something physical. I need sleep. You could even ask them to join you in taking a deep breath so they dont feel singled out. People tell me to just decide! But its not that simple for me. I think it comes across as an interrogation, or that I am questioning the person as an individual rather than just asking questions in general. She spent hours analyzing thoughts that suddenly popped into her head. What can you do to overcome your overthinking? It is just my way of making sure that my own thoughts arent escaping my head. While this may influence where their products or services appear on our site, it in no way affects our ratings, which are based on thorough research, solid methodologies and expert advice. Heres an example that shows the difference between overthinking and problem-solving: Problem-solving can lead to productive action.

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